“What Remains” by Margaret Ambridge
"What Remains is what's left of the person when you lift them off the pillow and they've still got the shadow and the form of their head and their shape in the pillow and to me that's a very powerful image because it's still the essence of them," Ms. Ambridge
My Friend: I’m not afraid
Me: You’re not afraid of dying? What scares you most about leaving this earth?
My Friend: I'm most fearful for my wife and daughter. They will be without me…who’s going to take care of them? Death doesn’t scare me at all. What I’m most fearful of is what is going to happen to my family?
This is a short snippet of a much longer conversation that I had some time ago, at a VA hospital, with a friend of mine who was slowly dying of cancer. Within a four-month period he went from a healthy 165 lbs. to a frail 120 lbs. the last time I saw him. During that time, he was taking some experimental drugs that were supposed to be very aggressive in attacking his particular type of cancer. Everyone was hopeful that these drugs would work, but the last time I saw him, his gaunt figure and raspy voice, were clear indications that he would soon pass from this life to the next.
As a pastor I’m supposed to have answers during these types of visits. At least that’s what I used to think. Over the years though, with the help of visiting numerous sick and dying people, I have learned the best thing for me to do during these visits is…nothing. I’ve learned the best thing to do is to simply just be there; be present with them. This oftentimes means engaging in lengthy periods of uncomfortable silence (you know the kind where you feel like somebody should say something). I’ve learned that those times of silence gives the dying person, and myself space to contemplate the moment, and not get caught up in trivial talk. Out of these moments of silence comes discussions on dying, living, fears, hopes, God, family, and love to name just a few. Very rich, meaningful conversations for sure
The truth is that we are all dying, aren’t we? Most of us, myself included, don’t act like it. I suppose part of that is a good thing. But the other part of it is most of us don’t live with the same resolve and focus that a dying person does. As my friend illustrated, the concept of death helps a person focus on things that really matter; things like love, family, and faith.
May today be a day of focused living!